"joy! there is joy in the physics library" & "the empire of clemons is in decline..."

I've been making good use of my pockets lately - they are turning out to be super handy hand-keepers (heehe) whenever I stroll up and down picturesque aisles of books about chemistry and physics things I don't understand (The Physics of Inorganic Chemistry and Supersymmetric Gauge Field Theory and String Theory and AHH). I'm working at the Chemistry and Physics Libraries this summer, for UVA. It is a bit of an outdated thing, I know - this whole searching for books at the library and actually using them as resources business - but to my quiet delight, I have found that people actually do use these books. They look up call numbers and browse the tall stacks and pull out these intimidating titles from their cozy little bookspaces among their brethren and open them and ask them for information - to avert Chemistry crises and Physics fixes.

The library, for these (mostly) graduate students and faculty members, is more than just a place that provides an excuse to get together and "study" (especially during the summer). They are immersed in their work here, truly - writing theses and looking up other people's theses and studying for MCATs and running their hands over the bindings of colorful reference books not just to look/feel picturesque

that's me!

but actually ending up at the one special book that holds the secret end to their mini search. The index finger stops its journey along: first, the rows of books, then the rows of fine print, then there is the nod. Then, a satisfactory grin (optional) and a return to the table to resume studies and researchings and more nodding and looking and reading and studying. They open up these books and glean information, asking the fine print to surrender some bit of obscure clarity - with words that are total blabber to me, but gigantic, shiny "AH hAH" moment for these thinkers of science. And...okay it's creepy that I watch, I guess, but this whole endeavor still kind of a novelty for me and it makes me happy to see these ridiculous books fulfilling their purpose.

Life at the library behind the mysterious "Library Staff" desk entails more than creepily watching people find books, though (or noting how many times they get up to refill their water bottles...this guy has refilled his 1029013892 mL water bottle like 3 times within the past 1.5 hours!!). Here are some ultra-exclusive insights to the (not-so-)secret life of a librarian, just for you, dear reader:

1. There's a large, gray box that comes to the library from the outside world, once each day, holding books and journals and things returning home or being delivered to the Department that all need to be discharged, sorted, and shelved or delivered to faculty mailboxes. On the crazy days, it is teeming (~6 books), and on slow days it is practically empty. It all depends, really, and every opening of the box is an exciting event - like a plasticky box of papery chocolates. Okay not really but still exciting!
2. We also send out his twin - a different large, gray box - filled with books and articles to be sent to other libraries and departments once every day. A delivery man named Sam (HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW!) comes and delivers/picks up our "gray trays" - he is our man with the dolly. He has a lot of tattoos and always asks how we're doing.
3. Sometimes there are new editions of journals that come in, asking to be cataloged and added to the collection. This is exciting because it's like initiating a baby into the family. I sticker him and enter him into The System (dun dun dun), and shelve him in his own little place, right next to his kind. Very cute.
4. Once in a while, the phone rings and I have to collect myself before answering. It's usually not a big deal, just "Hello, Chemistry/Physics Library" is enough, but I always have a mini freak out because picking up the phone is kind of nerve wracking! What if they ask me something I don't know? What if I'm alone and can't ask anyone for help? What if I STUTTER. All these questions are silly because I know what to do in each situation (ask supervisor, take down name and email and forward to supervisor, laugh at self and try again), but I guess it doesn't help that I don't get to practice much since phone calls are not that frequent.
5. For the copy machines, we get the ultimate privilege of using this magical swipey card with a maximum limit of 10,000 copies per swipe. I know, it's thrilling. But the copies are for faculty members requesting articles and stuff. No butt-copying or any monkey business like that here!!
6. Not a part of the standard librarianship of the Physics Library, but on certain special days I also water the plants. HEEHEEHeH :)
7. Actually, there are TONS of useful resources that are probably very underused - through the library website and stuff; basically the things that our high school librarians made presentations on that I never really paid attention to (database searches and stuff, you know). I'm very enthused about it, so ask me if you EVER need help finding specialized articles or resources for research papers blahblah.

Anyways, so far I love my summer jobs - which isn't saying much, I spose, since I'm sitting here updating you, little blog. Title credits to Vicky, my supervisor in Physics, and Cheryl, in Chemistry. Real life quotes, respectively. hahaha

THERMODYNAMICS

The ENTROPY of the universe is INCREASING.

... 

All change arises from an underlying collapse into chaos.

The deep structure of change is decay;

What decays is not the quantity of energy, but the QUALITY of energy.

Energy's quality, but not its quantity, decays as it spreads into chaos.

High quality, useful energy, is localised energy.

Low quality, wasted energy, is chaotically diffuse energy.

Things get done when energy is localised.

But energy loses its potency to motivate change when it becomes dispersed.

-Peter Atkins: The Creation

(jacked from a chem handout, weird CAPSLOCKs and Britishy English and all. more thoughts later....maybe.)

failure-validation

Starting the new school year with sunny optimism, I'm looking for some failure validation this semester.
First off, let's start off by saying W.T.F. When did college happen to me?! Every time someone asks me, "Are you excited?" without any other explanatory phrases that could make the question go in a hundred different ways, I immediately answer, "Um..!" expressing my completely true, totally eloquent feelings about the fact that I'm GOING TO COLLEGE in less than a week, now. Because it still feels so surreal, and I'm just hoping it doesn't feel like summer camp or something.
And speaking of school, the next predictable question(s): "What do you want to study?" "What's your major?" "What do you want to do after college?" Sometimes all three at once, to which I answer, "Dunno, Undecided, AHH@#!" Well not really. The undecided part is correct, but I do have wee small ideas about what I think I perhaps maybe want to study/do/become-when-I-grow-up. I'm sort of at a crossroads of life. You know, with the whole dramatic drum roll and everything? At the moment, I want to either pursue medicine and eventually work for Doctors Without Borders (more info here!), or...teach English abroad. I know, they're two such different things - that's why the crossroads imagery is appropriate, I think. And because I'm antsy by nature about big decision-making, I want to decide soon. My solution? Take a chem class. Mmhmm, so I am enrolled for Intro to Chemistry+Lab and already dreading it. After explaining this crossroads of life metaphor to every person who has asked what I want to study, I've come to face the reality that I'm...sort of leaning toward the teaching English option, and strongly and secretly hoping that I hate chemistry with every cell in my body. If I do, it'll be easier for me to sort of shut the door on this medicine career idea I've been thinking about - curb the guilt, or something, for not taking the road that will help me help so many people on a more immediate level because it's daunting and I am scared of ..the reality. (Hmmm?)
I don't know, though. What if chemistry is the best thing in the world since sliced bread and I think it's rainbows and sparkly hearts of magical mystical science? That would be a real problem, falling in love with chemistry.