WOw.
Ephesians 1:1-14 (it's a letter!)
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
To the saints who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose for his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
&
Romans 8:12-17 (another letter; Paul was the letter-writing man of the NT!)
So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of god are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoptions as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba, Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs -- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.This means that not only our we fully forgiven through the sacrifice of Jesus - forgiveness of sins, clean slate, yadda-not-yadda - but we are actually brought to the same status as Jesus [JESUS-STATUS!] in righteousness and perfect standing in God's eyes. Not just a restoration from the negatives to the Zero point, but a zooming-ahead all the way into the glorious positives, as if we have led perfect, beautiful, sinless lives, as Jesus did. As in: there's no sense in comparing your "deficient holiness" to the holiness level of that other "actually really holy" person at church, or even of your pastor, or of like, John Piper even, because all are perfect fellow heirs with Christ. Spiritual maturity, of course, is a different and valid distinction, but in terms of standing before God, all are perfect and equal.
Like differently perfect children standing before a perfect parent (no favoritism, no broken relationships). Your sibling might be a better athlete than you are, and you might be a better artist than she, but you both are regarded with equally genuine preciousness, and loved with the same gentle intensity of that unique kind of parent-love.
A weird but totally natural and human sort of conviction, from this weekend's Spring Retreat: [I cannot wait to become a parent.]
It's totally bizarre, because I've never actually had the desire to have kids - besides the negative-desire to NOT grow old all alone, and stuff like that. It's always been more of a "hm I would like to avoid a child-less old age" than a "WOW I WANT TO BIRTH A BABY." I mean it's so much responsibility it's SCARY. An entire set of life milestones and a moral compass and all those First Experiences in your hands. What if you royally mess up and end up with a unadjusted misfit, that baby growing up to wear leggings as pants and selfie-ing her life away? on instagram? AHHH
So apparently I'm not totally over these futureparent-ing fears.
But to be perfectly realistic, if I do ever move beyond this silliness and end up having children, I will probably love them no matter what kind of deplorable fashion choices they make, and in amounts not at all correlated to the number of self-centered photos they snap away. Love will override. Tangible proof of this lies in the state of my own outfit this morning and my mom's nevertheless-love for me, despite her tsk-tsks as I walked out the door.
Less immediately tangible but even greater in intensity and all-encompassingness is the heavenly father's love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. And as a parent does not despair at the inevitable moments of stumbling during the course of her baby's first steps but only REJOICES in the progress of the still-feeble, growing being, so God focuses on the JOY of our small steps toward him, and FORGIVES the struggling that's inherent to that process of growth.
All this leaves me with a sense of peaceful, abundant contentment - a sense that every struggle and every imperfect stage in the perfection-process is necessary and good. That every question I've ever wondered about, every heretical thing, all the "worldly" heart and brain tendencies have all been indispensable steps in my own pilgrim's progress, to make genuine and unique and indestructible my faith now, and the faith-to-be, too. It's like falling in love, and having all the songs suddenly make sense in a visceral and fully comprehensible way, but then growing in understanding of all the details: JMraz says "it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes yyyyyyyyyyyeears to know what looooOOooOove iszsss" ...you know?
Every Thing is a piece of the puzzle, and every Step is in the right direction. So, then, growing up (and whatevers) isn't just progress toward some vague sense of an "essential humanness," in a meeting-milestones, expanding-heartchambers kind of way. It is, rather, the process of growing into the purpose a life as ordained from the BEGINNING of time (!) by the most perfect and providential plan of the Creator who made, makes, loved, and loves us equally and perfectly. Growing, always, closer and closer to that identity saturated in true worth, acquired because it was given. Freely.
You know, I really don't have all the answers. Or even all the right questions, probably. But what I do know is that there's a God-shaped hole in my soul and nothing else quite fits. Be really, deeply honest with yourself, and you might find that this is more universally true than you think; God doesn't equal religion, and God isn't limited to the doctrine of Personal Experience. No amount of fulfillment through relationships, endless self-giving and do-gooding, even beauty and goodness seen in the world...yes, the Grand Canyon and cherry blossoms in breathtaking bloom and poetry! and the goodness of people in community, in adversity, in solidarity...none of it quite measures up. It's all ultimately draining and all-too-capable of running out of itself, all a little bent, imperfect. So
I believe in God, the father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
In Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord
Who was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended to the dead.
On the third day he rose again.
He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Holy Catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
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