last minnit weekend muzings

bleary-eyed post for the memory troves

as I tuck myself inexpertly into bed and turn on the warm side of the bedside lamp

head a littlespinning, eyelids a-closin'

and dad hums nanamouskourri to himself next door (having appropriated J's high school room for his impromptu officespace) and the secret garden ost floats emotionally on up the stairs from the youtuberepeater downstairs in the kitchen

just to say that --

23 feels much heavier - weightier in the front pocket of my Life apron - than any of the other numbers, much more, even, than the momentous ones like 15 (if I were mexicana), 16 (so sweet), 18, 21...

just that it feels so much closer to real adulthood for some reason, in some different way than it would were I facing graduation as a 22-year-old, I'm sure.

maybe it's the bodaciousness of the curves on that 3. mm. it's almost too much.

and maybe it's feeling extra-nice, extra-meaningful tonight cause of the extra-weightiness of the 2 and the 3 (all those curves ooh), but I have a real treasure trove of friends surrounding me this year; expert birthday card writers, all of them. are these particular people in this particular location, particularly special? for the conversations we've shared and fierce tears we've seen each other shed and God-seeking we've been doing togetherly? has any of it ever been in our hands? the criss-crossy paths that have brought us together, the buses we rode together, the library dates, the not-so-endless sleepovernights that inevitably ended with someone falling asleep in the middle of someone else's hushed-voice sentence, big-kid swaddled in our orange sleeping bags? or are we just growing up, and with us, the quality of our sentimental sentences and love-laden letters, too?

all of these things. yes.

thoughts that floated in and out while brushing the teef and washing the faze.

so, so thankful.

Ephesians 4:29-32

English Standard Version (ESV)

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day ofredemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.