I've been making good use of my pockets lately - they are turning out to be super handy hand-keepers (heehe) whenever I stroll up and down picturesque aisles of books about chemistry and physics things I don't understand (The Physics of Inorganic Chemistry and Supersymmetric Gauge Field Theory and String Theory and AHH). I'm working at the Chemistry and Physics Libraries this summer, for UVA. It is a bit of an outdated thing, I know - this whole searching for books at the library and actually using them as resources business - but to my quiet delight, I have found that people actually do use these books. They look up call numbers and browse the tall stacks and pull out these intimidating titles from their cozy little bookspaces among their brethren and open them and ask them for information - to avert Chemistry crises and Physics fixes.
The library, for these (mostly) graduate students and faculty members, is more than just a place that provides an excuse to get together and "study" (especially during the summer). They are immersed in their work here, truly - writing theses and looking up other people's theses and studying for MCATs and running their hands over the bindings of colorful reference books not just to look/feel picturesque
that's me!
but actually ending up at the one special book that holds the secret end to their mini search. The index finger stops its journey along: first, the rows of books, then the rows of fine print, then there is the nod. Then, a satisfactory grin (optional) and a return to the table to resume studies and researchings and more nodding and looking and reading and studying. They open up these books and glean information, asking the fine print to surrender some bit of obscure clarity - with words that are total blabber to me, but gigantic, shiny "AH hAH" moment for these thinkers of science. And...okay it's creepy that I watch, I guess, but this whole endeavor still kind of a novelty for me and it makes me happy to see these ridiculous books fulfilling their purpose.
Life at the library behind the mysterious "Library Staff" desk entails more than creepily watching people find books, though (or noting how many times they get up to refill their water bottles...this guy has refilled his 1029013892 mL water bottle like 3 times within the past 1.5 hours!!). Here are some ultra-exclusive insights to the (not-so-)secret life of a librarian, just for you, dear reader:
There's a large, gray box that comes to the library from the outside world, once each day, holding books and journals and things returning home or being delivered to the Department that all need to be discharged, sorted, and shelved or delivered to faculty mailboxes. On the crazy days, it is teeming (~6 books), and on slow days it is practically empty. It all depends, really, and every opening of the box is an exciting event - like a plasticky box of papery chocolates. Okay not really but still exciting!
We also send out his twin - a different large, gray box - filled with books and articles to be sent to other libraries and departments once every day. A delivery man named Sam (HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW!) comes and delivers/picks up our "gray trays" - he is our man with the dolly. He has a lot of tattoos and always asks how we're doing.
Sometimes there are new editions of journals that come in, asking to be cataloged and added to the collection. This is exciting because it's like initiating a baby into the family. I sticker him and enter him into The System (dun dun dun), and shelve him in his own little place, right next to his kind. Very cute.
Once in a while, the phone rings and I have to collect myself before answering. It's usually not a big deal, just "Hello, Chemistry/Physics Library" is enough, but I always have a mini freak out because picking up the phone is kind of nerve wracking! What if they ask me something I don't know? What if I'm alone and can't ask anyone for help? What if I STUTTER. All these questions are silly because I know what to do in each situation (ask supervisor, take down name and email and forward to supervisor, laugh at self and try again), but I guess it doesn't help that I don't get to practice much since phone calls are not that frequent.
For the copy machines, we get the ultimate privilege of using this magical swipey card with a maximum limit of 10,000 copies per swipe. I know, it's thrilling. But the copies are for faculty members requesting articles and stuff. No butt-copying or any monkey business like that here!!
Not a part of the standard librarianship of the Physics Library, but on certain special days I also water the plants. HEEHEEHeH :)
Actually, there are TONS of useful resources that are probably very underused - through the library website and stuff; basically the things that our high school librarians made presentations on that I never really paid attention to (database searches and stuff, you know). I'm very enthused about it, so ask me if you EVER need help finding specialized articles or resources for research papers blahblah.
Anyways, so far I love my summer jobs - which isn't saying much, I spose, since I'm sitting here updating you, little blog. Title credits to Vicky, my supervisor in Physics, and Cheryl, in Chemistry. Real life quotes, respectively. hahaha
Standing in front of me this very moment is the owner of the longest eyebrow hairs in the entire world. His facial hairs are confusing - no excessive beard hairs or nose hairs or even ear hair tufts poking out like you often see in old men's ears...but the eyebrow hairs are so long and...bounteous (thanks, thesaurus.com!). Yes, bounteous. Plentiful and abundant and fertile, flush, generous. Prolific and replete. Swiiiiimming. Teeeeeeming.
He owns a head full of white hair - with a (somehow) not-unpleasantly-receding hairline - and kind eyes and smile wrinkles. He is clean-shaven, appropriately-dressed in a not-overly-fancy-but-well-put-together in a science professor kind of way. He is articulate as he formulates his complicated questions about bibliographic searches one can conduct in the library system, but I hear nothing as Cheryl, master librarian of the Chemistry Library and my supervisor, has taken over and I sit back - pretending to be attentive to their conversation like a good trainee, but in truth only watching his eyebrow hairs move up and down with the rest of his expression like small insects with lots of long, wiry legs. Or two teeny claws extending their long nails in a friendly hello.
They are not unpleasant, these extremely long eyebrow hairs. They add to his conversation, like a small, politely enthusiastic third party chiming in its agreement or confusion, whatever the situation calls for. They are like his own small cheerleaders - approving and punctuating and ever enthusiastic.
I wonder if they provide his eyes with extra shade. I wonder if they get in the way when he runs a tired hand over his face on an especially stressful days. I wonder if he likes them, or if he minds them, or if he has tried to battle them before in his youth but has come to accept them now. I wonder if they have grown longer in his older age, cause I know that happens with old men and their ear hairs. I wonder if they make his brow any heavier than mine. I wonder if he has developed extra muscle - however minuscule - in his forehead from carrying the weight of these extra-long hairs around. I wonder what kind of provisions and blessings God has given this man through these extraordinary eyebrow hairs. I wonder.
Okay first things first, the title is supposed to be "one grows" except in olde Englysh (haha not really) - that's why it's one groweth, cause it's like "He drinketh some coffee...eth." Okay fine really not really; actually Old English is like a completely different language it's pretty crazy.
And second things second, I really have to preface this with a "WHAT?! WHERE DID FIRST YEAR GO? HOW DID THIS HAPPENNN!!!??!" I know everyone is saying that around here, just about their respective school years being over (except the high schoolers...oops), but it really is crazy. How can this year already be over? I'm not done being a first year yet - not done being new at everything, not done living at Maupin, not done being roommates with Maddie, not done eating breakfast at O'Hill everyday...seriously. But I guess I'm being kicked out. Done. Boom. Out out. No more living close to every other first year, no more walking everywhere due to lack of knowledge of the bus system (I'm learning), no more being physically and socially lost (...weeeellll...).
So before it all falls out of my brain, here are a few of my favorite memories (warning: not in chronological or alphabetical or any other kind of order)...
...of my first year at UVA 2010-2011!!
They are small, big, and medium and probably boring for a lot of people, but they were momentous to me, and I'm just trying to keep a record so I can look back and remember. Sorry about the monster-sized post ahead!! The scrollbar will probably be really tiny after I'm done with this.
1. One fateful bike ride with Maddie when everything went wrong at the same moment - 29340984 cars appeared from nowhere, pedestrians popped up to get in the way, bike pedal fell off - but we were too busy crazy-laughing to care too much.
2. Yodeling like these people after one especially sugar-loaded brunch at Runk.
3. 40-minute walk down McCormick Road from Old Cabell to Maupin - just cause I could. I think it was Friday and I was done with all my classes and felt like walking s u p e r s l o w l y because I wanted to revel in not trying to get somewhere so fast. With my iPod and blue-toed flats, savoring every. slow. step. and hopefully not annoying too many people...heeehe I tried to stay on the edge of the sidewalk, like the slow edge of the track, you know?
4. Taking the scenic route up to my room from the beginning of the Maupin sidewalk. AKA walking purposely a little extra distance (like 3 feet, no big deal) instead of straight up the close-by stairs because the trees in front of our building are like a canopy under which one feels like a forest princess (or prince, yes).
5. Cramming into one tiny practice module at Old Cabell with Rajni, Densey, and Ericsam to practice this incredibly sad song over and over:
6. Naming Eric Ericsam - I've never had much luck with nicknames until E.S.! His real name is Eric but on the first day we met I think I decided (what a brat) that he looked more like a Sam and called him that for days until he finally broke down in tears and pleaded with me to at least call him Ericsam (just kidding about the tears). Wait a minute - I just realized how close this is to Samneric, from LOTF...WOAH.
...WOAH!!
7. The first night of art explosion when Maddie and I started scribbling all over our walls and officially became friends, not just roommates.
before (left): awkward and naked
after (right): comfortable and decorated! haha sorry Maddie...it's another sleeping picture...
(maddie and walls, respectively)
8. Lovey-dovey couple sighting at Clemons with Tim. I think they were in the pre-official, flirting stage so they would keep just sneaking looks at each other and being subtly annoying with their giggles and ticking each other. There was a bit of internal drama for the girl for a while because the guy went somewhere and didn't come back for a long time - she kept looking around, worried, unable to move on from the one page she was reading for like 400 minutes. And also she looked a little bit like a lion. I don't know - something about her...nose/mouth area. I had been chatting with Tim and told him to come over and see the small spectacle these people were making of themselves and at first he was like nah they're not so bad, but soon agreed with me that they were kind of ridiculous. Anyways by the end of the night (or day, whenever it was), they (and I) had gotten no work done. Absolutely none.
"bleh we like each other so much but we're not officially dating yet just flirting so it's kinda awkward! bleh we're gonna keep distracting other people around us by being cute/noisy/annoying! bleh! bleh! bleh!" (them, not us)
9. "Homeworking" at Crossroads with Maddie in the booth next to the extremely loud bro who was talking about girls and weekends - seriously I have never heard anyone with a louder conversational voice. The homeworking attempt just ended up with me and Maddie just making loud, obnoxious noises once in a while, half imitating the bro, half hoping he would take the hint. And then laughing about it like this: beweehwhahahhhHEIhihihulhuoohohlhlhuhuhlahahaaalal!!
10. Eating nova-originated pho and feeling a little bit bad about stinking up Crossroads - delivered by David "da bait" Densey. Seriously THE BEST <3
11. Finding, and freaking out about, the straightest banana in the world.
I mean just LOOK AT IT!!
12. Exam-induced mania that resulted in secret identities.
Stanislov and Boris
13. One solitary afternoon spent exploring the Rotunda and all its symmetry! I think I got distracted on my way home from class and ended up here. It was a Monday. Solo adventures are the best - sometimes you just gotta be alone, and that's O.K!
from inside - hellooooooo Old Cabell!
boO
trying to take a timer picture in the Dome Room, fulfilling so many stereotypes: asian, tourist, noob first year...
14. Going to Skyline and oooh-aah-ing at the 2 billion shooting stars that decided to fall that night! Then coming back to Earth and eating McDonald's with John, Clarisse, Kenneth, David at the Lambeth amphitheater.
15. First day of Musicians on Call when mystery shopkeeper gave me a tiny paper bag with 3 Lindt truffles inside with a quiet "thank you."
16. Finding a wardrobe of mysterious purposes in Webb Lounge - "The Morgue" - and deciding to hide in it and then deciding to do a whole photoseries about explorer Maddie discovering a strange creature inside the weird wardrobe.
17. Christmas celebration in Maupin 220s for which we were never given our rightful reward of 1 Arch's ice cream pie. Though we spent 2.5 hours waiting for the judges to come and way too many dollars at the dollar store on cheap decor, it was worth the suite bonding and general Christmas merriment.
18. Plucking a certain DH's overgrown eyebrows in Christina's common room and being walked in on by Jacqueline, our RA. Taking pictures to document the evening's activities but swearing to never ever publicize them.
19. Skipping February 7th of my a-picture-a-day calendar because it pictured a woman so ugly it was frightening. Seriously, what were they (the artist, museum personnel who chose to make the painting important, calendar publisher...everyone who had a part in causing the painting to reach my eyeballs) thinking?! Shudder...
21. Every time that this happened in chem postlab. Though all green doesn't necessarily mean you're all right...haha.
so excited I took a screen capture of it...
22. Discovering our downstairs (like through the ceiling and through the floor) neighbors in 123!! And proceeding to jump up and down while facebook chatting, "CAN YOU HEAR US?!" and yelling out the window and being responded with chairs banging on their ceiling/our floor. SO MAGICAL! :D
23. Spending an entire month of wintry nothingness, reveling in the beauty that is college vacation time. Being a baby at home and drinking hot chocolate all the time out of giant mugs and bathing Binky and building fires in the fireplace every night.
24. Texting Joshua Hahm about the state of current precipitation whenever it was raining.
25. Coffee date with Josh Larosa - opposite-soul-revealing, etc. Coffee, blogtalk, discovering how different our brainwaves are.
this isn't from THE coffee date^, just a random time I happened to take a picture of Josh with a cup of coffee
26. Valentine's Day blahblah don't careboutit blah sorrybout it lalala. Okay seriously though - from GCF first year boys' awesomeness to lovenotes in Italian to secret stuff that was crazy but not regretted, really truly.
27. Amy and David's wedding in Philadelphia over Spring Break. It was my first real wedding (one for "my person" getting married, not a family friend or someone my parents know or something) and so touching and crazy (people I know as my sort of peers are getting married now?!) and also they played the Amelie soundtrack at the reception <3
not Amy and David HEEEHEEee
28. This obnoxiously gigantic apple that I found at O'Hill one day that followed me, like, everywhere, and demanded that I take pictures of it in like, every pose.
29. Unplanned all nighter at Clemons that snuck up on me, but was somehow enjoyable in lots of different ways: because of boys talking about basketball (or something...), candy thrown into the air, early morning texts about being "awake as ever EVER!" and the stupid IR final that justified the all-nighter in the first place.
30. Easter Eve, ordering kabobs to Clemons and then ice cream cake at midnight to break Lent. Nuff said. ...Okay but with that said, must add: also doing healthily happy things with Maddie, like spending my entire last day at school together picnicking in New Cabell, sun-lounging and clover-searching in front of Maups, taking good pictures of one another and talking and laughing about everything.
31. Creating several-minute-long videos, trying to capture my life at certain memorable moments and ending up with shaky footage of things anyone not in the video will skip through (actually I can see some people in the video skipping through it, too). Haha but it doesn't matter because it makes me laugh and remember and marvel at a time "so long ago!" when so many things were different, but also the same. Oops sorry for saying stuff that amounts to nothing.
33. Convocation: sitting facing the Rotunda and thinking about how we'll turn around to face Old Cabell in just a few years. Lots of people complained that it was boring and cheesy, but I really liked it.
34. Train traveling down to Charlottesville from a short stay in nova. It was too short of a ride for all the pictures I wanted to take, all the reading I wanted to do, all the chocolate I wanted to eat picturesquely.
35. Taking Claire Lyu, who blew my mind every Tuesday and Thursday with her brilliance, out to lunch (despite my secret fear of Western utensils). My notes from FREN 3032 are full of emoticons like this ":o !!!!!!!!!!!!!!" At lunch, we both had the chicken caesar salad, talked about France/Korea/America, and wondered about each other's brains, I think.
36. James Cargile, the only reason for me not dropping Symbolic Logic like 309482 times. He enjoys banana bread as dessert to his lunch, works "for freedom", often forgets (to turn on) his hearing aids then sheepishly grins about it. Unfortunately I will probably never again take another class with him (at least let us hope not...for my academic sanity's sake) - I shall miss his brilliance, kindness, and weird humor that makes him admit his "minor pedagogical tragedies."
37. Eunice NO FEAR Jang, the common denominator to so many delightful things in my life this year: prayer team, being tablemates at Amy and David's wedding reception, GNO (girls' night out, as abbreviated by Bobbie) with much Enchanted sing-along-ing, Anne of Green Gables party with kimchi bokeum bap and cookies, crashing a sleepover at Aileen's with a funny collection of people :)
38. Planning to write a blogpost about all the ways in which "one groweth" during the first year of college and realizing what a baby I still am and therethusforthly not being able to write that original post at all. Realizing that I'm a work in progress and all the ways in which God provides and being okay with not even having that much closure. Learning that I'm immature in ways that I didn't even imagine - how bad I am at moving out and saying goodbye. And at ending blogposts. eep.
I've done it a lot of times, but I'm finding that I'm terrible at packing up and moving out.
Trying to move out of 223 Maupin right now. Taking all the scraps and junks off the wall. Taking down posters. Looking around constantly, uselessly. Heart beating harder. Drowning in my own sentimentality. It's scary. This is like dismantling a life. A bigger deal than anticipated. Why is it? Why is it such a big deal? I've moved so many times before. Packed up boxes and left places, blowing kisses and hiding tears or not hiding them. But this time is different from the other times.
I think it's because every scrappy scrap of sticker and crap and sticky note and piece of junk is completely mine. A scrappy piece of life that I've made on my own, completely own - or at least as "on my own" as I've been in my life. Everything I'm going to have to pack up was put in its messy place was put there by my hand or foot or whatever. Every piece of writing or drawing on the wall was created by me or by friends or friends of friends and I experienced it being created. Every mess is mine. Every beautiful thing is mine. Every.thing. is a part of this life I've made. Here. And it's hard to take it all down, I guess.
And all that just magnifies and makes me think of how it'll all be forgotten after us. Especially with Maupin being torn down. All these memories we made and places we touched will be gone. And we will probably never be together in one place like this again - even the people I never got to meet, dear unknown Maupin-mates (this strange first year identity that will hold us together as this weird group forrreverrrr). Yeah I'm a sentimental Sally, but can you really blame me for fearing my own forgetfulness? It's the scariest thing, I think - my own surprising ability to lose things from my brain and heart. Stuff just tumbles out - that's why I photograph documentarily and write so often about "thisverymoment"s instead of doing homework.
maddie and madison at maupin
So anyways, here I sit, with all my sticky notes still up around my desk carrel and sitting in the midst of my books and postcards and posters and pictures I have yet to take down. Drowning. Tired. Kind of...really scared. And all this talking about on my own/the fact that Maddie is sleeping making me feel really alone - haha silly. The only thing that constructively keeps building up is the increasing volume of the sighs filling the atmosphere. And can you really even call sighs constructive?
I know I'll probably look back at this post and feel dumb but here's to capturing the moment. Clicking the PUBLISH POST button...n o w !
My life is so full of cuteness right now. And I've been kind of itching to blog in the midst of finals (and name it "libarry crazy," but for other reasons than those listed below) - maybe to defy...stuff. Probably mostly myself. Hm I don't know; I'm tired. So here's my excuse: my life is so full of cuteness right now.
Cuteness 1.
JJ Heller - When I'm with You (discovered this thanks to Rebecca - youtube repeating like crazy ever since)
Cuteness 2. Boys. More specifically, studying (..."studying") with boys and sitting and listening to them talk all excitedly about sports mumbo jumbo that I don't understand. It really is like a language that I just don't get. Flows into one ear and jumps out the other. Really. (But I did learn about this guy - apparently he eats a lot of candy...obviously that would be the only part I understand.)
Cuteness 3. Boys. More specifically, being with them when their Bible study leaders bring them bags of candy for morale, which they proceed to immediately throw up into the air in celebration so it's like raining candy. Okay actually only one boy did that but it was still like cute overload (hope he never reads this cause he doesn't need to know I think he's cute).
Cuteness 4. Sitting in Clemons but not feeling hostile towards it haha. Actually, sitting in Clemons and actively feeling happy and stuff because I'm just people watching (and actively not studying...) - watching people be hopeful in the midst of exams, being solidarity-y with each other, sharing junky food, and smiling even though they're studying hard (or not so hard). Wutevers!
Cuteness 5. Feeling things for other people who are...not me. I've been so wrapped up in myself, my tiredness, my busy-ness lately that I forget to think of other people, feel for them. Making wishes for other people and praying for them when I see them run hurriedly and worriedly toward some unknown location - that they get there soon/on time, and safely. Hm sorry sorry sorry this makes no sense :(
Cuteness 6. Confessing to people that my shoulders are in pain and tentatively asking for back massages but receiving terrible, albeit very very well-meaning ones. Hahahaha oh well.
Cuteness 7.
it's the same song but sounds a little different. cause i like circular progression of things.
EDIT: 5/10/11 12:51 am
Just found this on my desktop! It's from the morning after this post was originally written, at Clemons. I ended up pulling an allnighter and being joined by another libarry crazy, sitting in the booth behind me. HAHA!
My laptop is way too heavy to carry around to all of my classes. So I don't. Then I justify this with all sorts of excuses: "with a computer in class, I'll just be distracted!"..."taking notes by hand makes me feel like a real student!"..."motor memory...yay?!" (irrelevant when you can't read the notes afterwards because they are only a mass of sleepy scrawlings all over the notebook pages...sigh).
But...let's be real - the one true reason is that carrying my laptop around is cause it tips over the weight limit of my backpack from heavy to backbreaking. I have a weak back, I think.
But Thursday, April 28th was a day that truly made me regret this silly habit of never bringing my laptop to class. It was a day when I wished I could write as fast as I could type - to capture all the words falling from my French professor's mouth, from her brilliant brain.
FREN 3032 was my daily inspirations class of the semester. I mistakenly thought it was going to be taught by a TA, but it turns out that Claire Lyu is not only NOT a TA, but a science genius tri-lingual lover of French poetry - basically the adult I want to be when I grow up. And on this past Thursday, our last real class of the semester since we're taking our final test on our actual last class, she was more full of beautiful words than usual. She wanted to send us off on...good feet, I think. Or something. Obviously I am far from the eloquence that is my French professor.
She said that she had experienced "un moment émouvant" - an emotional moment, a touching moment - the night before, while reading this collection of literary criticisms. The passage she wanted to share with us was about the song of a bird. I know it sounds super sappy, but no worries because honestly I didn't get it all either and thusly will not expound upon it...hahaha. But she was talking about how powerful some literature can be - how some works have the ability to switch up the power dimensions of a relationship you can have with it ( :P kind of like this). Usually when you're reading something, you're in power. The subject is you and the object is it. You hold it, open it up on the webpage, pick up the book that contains it and control it. You read it and judge it and analyze it and finally pronounce that it is good or rather bad or quite mediocre, while it sits quietly and looks up at you and simply exists. Naked and vulnerable.
But...Claire Lyu shared with us that some works of literature take that power position away from you. Totally and surprisingly. You had no idea it would happen, but then there you are - suddenly pierced through the heart and defenseless, and the thing is staring at you instead of you looking at it. Suddenly it knows your heart and what you love and hate and mediocrely like. And to sum it up, she read to us from the book. That
"On ne sorte pas indemne de ce gen de livre."
"One does not escape unscathed from such a book."
And that that's why we study literature. Because sometimes, it has this power to make us buckle at the knees and cry or laugh, or stay completely quiet. Because it has the power to make you reveal your soul to it and to others - and that is the difficulty of humanities classes (gross generalization - please excuse me). I know I (self-destructively) stand right alongside the engineering school kids when they joke about our School of "Arts and Crafts" classes, but truly, humanities classes are difficult in their own way. When you analyze a piece of literature, even in just discussing it, you're revealing a piece of your soul: what you think about this piece of someone else's brain, heart, and how you believe it applies to your brain and heart. When you create a piece of art, you're undressing a little bit of your secret self and representing it concretely for whoever happens to walk by to see - it's bravery at its finest. When you write an essay, analyzing and synthesizing (at least when you do it right), you're investing a chunk of your brainwaves to this clean slate of paper and bringing into being not just some inky letters but an idea, a new thing, fresh and alive into the world. It's an emotional thing - you invest your heart in it a little (or a lot).
When was the last time you were brave enough to get naked for a math equation? Do molecular structures inspire you to tears or pierce through your heart or render you completely helpless and reveal a part of your soul (not counting those times when you despaired like a baby because you didn't get the concept)?
These are the questions and affirmations that Claire Lyu inspired on the second to last day of my French class. As we all responded in the various ways that we usually do - from yawning to acting cool/like we understand everything she just said to sitting on the chairseat edges trying to engrave into our minds every pearly bead of wisdom that fall from her mouth - Madame Lyu remarked that maybe it's because of all the talk of bird songs, but that she felt like a mama bird letting all her babies fly out of the nest.
buh-bye!
And with that image, I said a bittersweet goodbye and floated out of room. Feeling broken into, a little bit taken by surprise, and a tiny bit...more naked than I had felt going into class on that fateful Thursday afternoon.
