re: entanglement of feelings

dearest S,

what about the possibility of augmented happinesses? extended entanglement of feel-good connections? additional memories of new faces and new places that widen and enrich your web of Happy Happy Things? has the world been so cruel to us already that we should be clenching our teeth against all tomorrows, afraid of their rains and sunshines alike? if we're constantly living in fear of unwanted feelings, unwelcome memories, we'd better be prepared to avoid a lot of extremes -- the bad along with all the good, too. pitiful, shell-bound turtles, afraid to stretch out what little neck we've got to expose to the fresh air, tethering ourselves to home spaces that so easily become the most effective kind of prison cells, where we feel safe. comfortable. complacent. forever.

I don't think it's that you're selfish, or that you're foolish, or too sensitive, no. we all have tender beating hearts we wanna protect. and it's certainly not that I think it's easy to take these word prescriptions and pop 'em like so many sunshine vitamins for myself, either. (notice the "we"!) I'm just taking the opportunity to be a lighthouse-voice in a good friend's life, sending you leetle guiding signals of truths that might have gotten fuzzy along the way of our scrapes and splashes, cause it's easier, it seems, to dispense advice than to take it. even especially my own. I'm counting on you to be that voice of light for me, too, when I'm in need of heart sutures -- probably with words so idealistic, you might have trouble believing in them yourself. but I'll listen. I'll believe. let's be that for each other: reflecting pools of un-belief, reverberating back and forth in echoes of truth-words when we most need them. what is it about excellent advice that only seems to apply to the rest of the world? what foolishness.

even taking the plunge to have The Talk has its possibility of augmented happiness, I learned that just today. fresh off the press. you open your mouth along with your heart sometimes, and people seem to respond to that with a little more understanding than before; a lot more understanding than you had ever given them possible credit for. and thus, I feel, trust, know -- that yeah, it's worth it to share precious songs that remind you of precious places. talk aloud about childhood scents and what pink olfactory images they draw for you. try our best to expand the [inside] boundaries of our [inside jokes], though those can definitely be tough. hopefully we'll be prudent and wise in our audience choices; only share with those who will hold the pieces of our heart with the care they deserve, but hopefully also realize that we're a lot less fragile than we think.

“There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve.” ― William S. Burroughs

I love you, dear friend. in all the headachingly, throat-clenchily intense and embarrassingly self-revealing ways that true love is, I think.

to all the songs, all the movies, all the beers and beyond.

love,
m